


The Space Between You and Me

by eikanh



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Short Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2013-06-07
Packaged: 2017-12-14 05:47:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/833444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eikanh/pseuds/eikanh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine is seventeen years old when he gets a new neighbor, Kurt. Kurt is not like anyone Blaine has ever met, and takes his heart out on a journey he would have never imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Space Between You and Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is written as a short story, I've been working on it for about a year now, so every word has been turned, replaced and considered. I'm still not sure I'm satified with it yet, but here it is.
> 
> Warning:  
> This is not a fluffy story. It is meant to be confusing and weird, so please bear with that.
> 
> Ihope some of you will enjoy it, and please, leave suggestions for improvements.
> 
> //A.k.

The space between you and me

PART 1: Questions:

If anyone had told seventeen year old Blaine Anderson exactly what were about to happen in his young life, he wouldn’t have believed you. He would have shaken his head, and scrunched his nose, because it sounded far too good and far too bad at the same time. Just the fact that something would happen sounded unbelievable because this far, nothing had.  
Blaine would describe himself as ordinary, he did have his talent, but since no one seemed to appreciate it (it might have helped if he told anyone he could actually sing) he didn’t see it as an improvement. He was the only out gay person at McKinley High which, he guessed, made him a little bit different from the other students, but still not exciting in any way.  
It was because of his sexuality that Blaine didn’t have many friends, he had Rachel, and sometimes Brittany would speak to him, but that was about it.  
Sometimes he wished things were different for him, He sometimes even wished he was straight, then maybe the girls would like him and the guys would accept him. Most of Blaine’s life was built on wishes like that, whishes for changes and something new.  
He had a mother who loved him, a father who didn’t, and a brother who lived in Los Angeles who followed his dream of becoming a movie star. See, his brother was someone worth mentioning, he was in commercials and movies, people recognized him. Blaine was merely Cooper Andersons’ little brother when put in comparison. He would never reach the same status in the eyes of his family, even less the entire world.  
Even his father was known, at least in Lima, he owned a great law firm, and was the type of person who hid his money away from the world. Blaine sometimes wondered if he took some of them out of his safety box from time to other, just to look at them, that would very much be like him. People looked up to him and feared him. Blaine used to think he was a great man.  
Blaine didn’t consider his life a complete fiasco, but he didn’t see himself as widely successful either, he was plain, boarding on dull, and he didn’t really mind being unseen, until one day he got a new neighbor and all of that changed.  
***  
It was spring when things started to change for Blaine, he would soon be done with his junior year of High School, and the summer break was growing visible in the nearer future, something Blaine was both looking forwards to, and dreading. He wouldn’t see his tormentors for the entire break, but it might get extremely boring since Rachel was travelling to Europe to visit some family there.  
Not that he wanted to spend his entire summer with Rachel Berry, but it would have been nice to say he hadn’t been alone the entire time. His parent’s were not the cheeriest company, and he’d just received the news that cooper had work to do, and wouldn’t be coming home before Christmas.  
On one hand, Blaine wanted more friends. Friends he could go to the amusement park with or eat ice cream with, to share their summer. But on the other, he didn’t have the slightest idea how and where to find any. Almost everyone at McKinley either hated him or ignored him, and he didn’t do any sports or other spare time activities, maybe he should, get out there a little, take up boxing again? He loved reading, but he couldn’t do that for an entire summer.  
His thoughts were cut off by the sound of a car door slamming and Blaine moved to stand by his window.  
A huge truck was parked outside the house next to theirs, and three men had started pulling things out, first a cupboard, a sofa and a table, then a weird looking lamp.  
No one had told him that he would be getting a new neighbor, or maybe his parents didn’t know either? But now there were definitely people moving in just beside them, and Blaine hoped that they were nice, and that he’s parents wouldn’t be complete idiots to them like they were with their last neighbors.  
Blaine knew his parents wouldn’t want to go and greet them, and Blaine knew too, that he was too shy to do it alone, so he watched from his window as they carried in the furniture and boxes, and wondered who they were.  
***  
Blaine was having a hard time concentrating in school the next morning. He’d asked his mother about their new neighbor the evening before;  
‘’Yes, we’re getting new neighbors, exciting huh?’’  
‘’You knew?’’  
‘’Well, yes. We didn’t think it was important, honey.’’  
That was the problem with his parents, they didn’t think anything but money and success was important enough to talk, or even think, about. They never wondered why they did what they did, or if there would ever happen something new and exciting to them. As long as they had money then nothing else mattered.  
When Blaine returned from school, after escaping Rachel’s endless talk about how Finn hadn’t complimented her new dress, he walked past the newcomer’s house, noticing the mail box now said ‘Hummel’ instead of ‘Johnson.’  
He was so curious, that he almost walked straight up there to say hi, but he didn’t, because the Hummel’s could be anyone, sure it was a nice neighborhood, but still, they could be really weird or scary, so he decided not to.  
Instead he went home, dropped his bag just inside the door, got himself a glass of lemonade and placed himself in the front lawn, reading one of his books. It was a warm day, and the sun was burning hot on his skin.  
It was when he was sitting there he heard footsteps on the grass beside him. Thinking it was his mother, Blaine didn’t look up, not until the shadow of the person fell over him, it didn’t move or speak, and he lowered his book  
What Blaine saw was no ordinary human, that he was sure of, because ordinary humans, if they even existed though, didn’t look like the boy before him. He was lovely pale in the sunlight, and his brown hair was gently styled and pushed back on his forehead, he was wearing a dark waistcoat over a T-shirt, and light, slim-fitting jeans. It all looked luxurious and perfect on him. He was smiling curiously down at Blaine in a flash of white teeth, and his eyes glistening playfully. The entire image was overwhelming.  
‘’Um, hi.’’ Blaine managed to say, cursing himself for sounding out of breath.  
‘’Hello,’’ the boy said in a high voice, he sounded happy Blaine thought, though he didn’t know why, ‘’what are you reading?’’  
Blaine couldn’t help but smile a little too because people didn’t just walk into other people’s front lawn asking what they’re reading like it’s a normal thing to do, at least not in their neighborhood.  
‘’uh, To Kill a Mockingbird, it’s for school.’’ Blaine responded.  
‘’You go to McKinley?’’ The boy asked eyes still wide and wonderful.  
‘’Yeah.’’  
The boy nodded quickly, ‘’I will too, I’m starting tomorrow you see.’’  
Blaine looked away from those blue eyes, ‘’I’m sorry, but who are you?’’ Blaine felt dumb for asking, but he was really confused by the stranger.  
Kurt’s smile faltered a bit, ‘’oh, I’m so sorry, I forgot to introduce myself, I do that sometimes. I’m Kurt Hummel, with a K.’’  
Blaine’s head shot up ‘’Hummel? You’re my new Neighbor?’’  
‘’The one and only, well, I guess I’m not your only neighbor, but I am the only Kurt Hummel I know of.’’  
Blaine frowned at that, but couldn’t help but grin either, ‘’I saw you move in yesterday.’’ He said lightly.  
‘’Yes, I would have come and said hello, but my father insisted on me waiting, don’t scare them away he says, like I’m that scary. So I snuck out, and here I am, in your front lawn.’’  
Blaine laughed, because he was pretty sure Kurt was the least scary thing he’d ever seen, and also the prettiest, Blaine wondered if he knew that. He probably did.  
‘’So, my turn to ask, who are you.’’  
Blaine moved to shake his new neighbor’s hand, ‘’Blaine Anderson.’’  
‘’Ah, Blaine, that’s a wonderful name.’’ Kurt simply said, and Blaine wondered if Kurt could see him blush. People didn’t just say such things, but it sounded so right when Kurt did.  
‘’Well, Kurt is pretty unique too.’’ Blaine said quietly.  
‘’You think so? It’s German, it means brave but I don’t know if my parents knew that when they gave it to me, or if they just thought it sounded pretty.’’ Kurt sounded proud. If it was because of his name or his parents, Blaine didn’t know.  
‘’it does sound pretty though,’’ Blaine quietly mentioned, not quite sure why he’d said it, but the smile on Kurt’s face showed he had done something right.  
‘’Thank you,’’ Kurt smiled, ‘’now tell me Blaine Anderson, what are your dreams? I’m very interested in those, and I don’t mean dreams that you have when you’re asleep, I mean those you have when you’re awake.’’  
Blaine thought about that question for a second, did he have any dreams? When he was little he wanted to be a professional boxer, but he was far too short for that now, then, for a while, he wanted to go to law school to impress his father, but that dream ended quickly when he learned that it was exactly what his father expected of him.  
‘’I don’t know.’’ Blaine confessed.  
Kurt’s eyebrows shot upwards on his forehead, ‘’you don’t know? I though everyone had dreams… How come you don’t know?’’  
Blaine moved a little in his chair, ‘’I guess I haven’t really thought about it, my father wants me to take over his firm when I’m old enough, go to a fancy college and all that, but I’m just not sure.’’  
Kurt looked like he was thinking really hard ‘’If you don’t want it one hundred percent, If it doesn’t feel like the most right thing in the world, then you shouldn’t go for it.’’  
Blaine locked eyes with him, boldly, ‘’what’s your dream,’’ he asked.  
Kurt smiled brightly once again, ‘’ New York’s my dream. Always has, and always will be, the city that never sleeps they say, sounds right for me.’’  
Blaine wanted to ask why, but didn’t. Kurt looked like he was truly dreaming, eyes far gone and a slight smile on his lips.  
‘’Have you been there before?’’ Blaine then asked.  
Kurt was shaken out of it and suddenly looked a bit sad, Blaine wished he hadn’t asked, ‘’no, I haven’t, me and my dad don’t have the money at the moment, but I’ll move there myself after I graduate, I hope.’’  
‘’I hope you will too.’’ Blaine said, because watching someone wanting something so bad, made him wish he had such a dream too, something in life to look forward to instead of taking over some stupid family business.   
Then he came to think of something, he loved singing. Even though it scared him, performing in front of a huge crowd had always sounded powerful to him, seeing how loved famous performers were.   
‘’I do like to sing,’’ Blaine then said, ‘’maybe I could do something about that.’’  
Kurt gasped, ‘’you sing!? I do too, that’s why I want to go to New York, to be on Broadway. We should sing together sometime.’’  
Blaine grinned up at him, ‘’we should, but I bet you’re better than me.’’  
‘’How would you know?’’ Kurt wondered out loud.  
Luckily, before Blaine could say something completely stupid, they were interrupted by Blaine’s mother, who wanted to know who the nice boy in her front lawn were. Kurt presented himself like he’d done with Blaine, and shook her hand.  
She told him it was nice to have new neighbors, Blaine knew better though, because he knew his mother wished to live in an even better neighborhood with rich people, tall hedges separating the lawns, and expensive cars in the driveways.  
‘’I’ve got to go Blaine, but it was really nice meeting you.’’ Then he added; ‘’I’m glad you’re my new neighbor.’’  
Blaine nodded, ‘’yeah, you too, see you at school tomorrow?’’  
Kurt smiled and nodded, then he turned away and walked back towards his new home. Blaine would have asked where he’d come from, or how he felt about moving. He’d have asked what Kurt’s favorite color was, or his favorite music. Blaine wondered if he had a boyfriend, or if he was even gay and he wondered if maybe, just maybe, they could become friends.  
***  
Walking into McKinley High the next morning felt different, and Blaine new why. It was because today, there would be a new student among them and Blaine knew him better than the other students. He wondered if Kurt would see him differently when he found out about Blaine’s status at the school, or if he’d even talk to him anymore if he knew. Maybe yesterday, Kurt had just been friendly because his father had asked him to be, because they were neighbors now. He hadn’t even thought about these possibilities.  
The thought that he might get to see Kurt every day from now on made him both really happy and really nervous, but he’d promised himself he wouldn’t screw this up. His head was spinning with those thoughts just as an ice cold drink hit him in the face, and stopped them abruptly.  
His skin burned, and the green fluid was running down his face, onto his new polo shirt. Blaine would have sighed deeply if he hadn’t been shaking so bad.  
‘’Oh sorry loser, you had some fag on you!’’ The jock yelled, gaining high fives and applause from his friends.  
Then a high voice sounded behind him, ‘’what is your problem!?’’  
Blaine spun around to see Kurt standing there, clenching the strap of his bag angrily, eyes looking absolutely furious.  
The previous owner of the slushie, eyed Kurt with an amused smile, ‘’and what do we have here, is this your little boyfriend Anderson?’’  
Kurt took a bold step closer, ‘’what does this give you huh? Picking on nice people, just because you are too stupid to be like them? I’ve only just met you and I already dislike you, so congrats, I bet you are going to make it really far in life!’’  
‘’Shut up lady-boy, or I’ll punch you in the face.’’ The jock sneered.  
‘’That’s very creative of you, but I think I’ll pass. Have a horrible day.’’ And with that Kurt linked his arm with Blaine, dragging him down the hallway.  
‘’where’s the men’s room?’’ Kurt asked voice much softer than just seconds ago.  
‘’down to the right,’’ Blaine quipped, no one had ever stood up to him at this school, not even Rachel, and he barely knew Kurt. Maybe Kurt was just an overall nice person, Blaine probably shouldn’t get his hopes up.  
Luckily the restroom was empty, and Blaine went straight to the sinks to clean up his face. He always brought extra shirts in his bag, in case of slushie-attacks.  
He damned himself for letting Kurt see him so weak, see him suffer under the weight of bullies. He wished he could have said something back too.  
‘’Here, let me help.’’  
Soft hands were running through his hair, down his face. Blaine drew in a sharp breath; no one ever touched him, not like this, never like this. Kurt’s hands silently worked on his hair, and Blaine let him do it, praying that no one would enter the room while he did.  
Blaine fetched the towel from his bag, and a clean shirt, he searched Kurt’s face while drying his hair, but found nothing but sadness and sincerity.  
‘’Does this happen often?’’ Kurt spoke softly.  
Blaine looked down, ‘’unfortunately, yes,’’ he admitted, there were no use of hiding anything now.  
Kurt nodded, Blaine wanted to ask if he was ever bullied too wherever he came from, but couldn’t bring himself to say it. He didn’t want to hurt him, and Blaine knew very well how much it hurt.  
‘’You’ll be okay,’’ Kurt simply said. It wasn’t a question, and for some odd reason, Blaine believed him. Now, things would be okay, because Blaine had Kurt. It might be brand new and unstable, he was uncertain about who Kurt really was, but he seemed to care that Blaine was hurting, he actually wanted to listen, and that was enough.  
***  
They only had one class together; advanced English. They sat together in the back of the room, Blaine usually sat in the front to avoid the jocks, but Kurt had insisted, ‘’how will we be able to make conversation, if the teachers is hovering over us constantly?’’ He’d said, and Blaine didn’t understand why they’d have to talk when they were being lectured, but agreed anyway.  
It turned out to be one of the most pleasant classes of the day, Kurt had sent him notes, asking him random questions, and complaining about how bored he was. Blaine was almost never bored in class, he was either occupied by learning or keeping the bullies from throwing things at him, but now Kurt was there, he was having a hard time concentrating; he could almost hear his mother’s voice complaining about how Kurt was a bad influence.   
But Kurt was smart; he was really smart and funny, even if he didn’t listen to their teacher. Blaine wondered how that could be, he didn’t have any trouble answering the teacher’s questions, and his answers were both correct, clever and witty.  
Blaine was completely intrigued by the end of the day, he felt like he needed to know everything about Kurt Hummel, every little detail of his life, because it seemed like an adventure, like some fairytale he hadn’t heard of yet. The prince from a foreign land, sweeping Blaine’s feet away under him and saving him from the bullies and boring days.  
But Blaine knew that stuff like that didn’t happen, it never did. He felt like he was waiting for some catch, like maybe Kurt would only live here temporarily, or he would grow bored with Blaine when he found out he was a completely unexciting person. Maybe Kurt would even join the bullies and pick on him to become popular.  
Anything could go wrong, there were so many possibilities. Blaine would just have to wait and enjoy it while it lasted, while he could still call Kurt Hummel his friend, if that was even what they were, Blaine hadn’t made new friends in years so he couldn’t really tell.  
It did scare him though; he’d grown used to having Rachel as his only friend. She’d been a good friend but she’d never spoken to him about the bullying, not really. He knew she was picked on too, she did get a slushie now and then, and sometimes he felt like they only talked about her, her talent, her upcoming NYADA audition and her boyfriend; Finn Hudson. Finn didn’t speak to Blaine though Rachel tried to make him sometimes. She had this idea that Blaine might become popular if someone from the football-team spoke to him.   
Both Finn and Rachel were in the McKinley High Glee Club, Blaine had wanted to try out, but had chickened out. He’d never even sung for Rachel because if she knew he could sing, she’d push him to audition, so he’d lied, told her he couldn’t sing to save his life and she’d let it go.  
But why had he told Kurt then? Rachel was his best friend, and he barely knew Kurt, he didn’t know if Kurt would tell anyone, oh god what if he did? Blaine thought.  
‘’Um, Kurt,’’ Blaine gently asked on their way home.  
Kurt had looked distant on their walk, like he was deep in thought, ‘’yes Blaine?’’  
‘’You can’t tell anyone that I sing, okay?’’  
Kurt looked at him, frowning, ‘’why?’’ he asked carefully.  
‘’Because then Rachel will want me to join Glee club, and I can’t do that.’’  
Kurt looked even more confused, ‘’why not?’’  
Blaine thought it was obvious, ‘’because I’d have to sing before a hundred people who hate me, and they will all be thinking bad things about me, them all at once. I can’t- I can’t take it.’’  
Kurt stopped walking, laying a hand on Blaine’s arm, it seemed casual to him, but Blaine’s skin burned under the touch, ‘’why would they hate you, I don’t think everybody hates someone like you.’’  
Blaine felt like he could cry and he only said it because he felt like he had to ‘’I’m gay.’’  
Blaine had expected Kurt’s eyes to widen, maybe his mouth to twitch, maybe he’d just walk away, disgusted. First nothing happened, then he smiled kindly, ’’oh.’’  
Oh? Blaine couldn’t breathe, he didn’t dare. What did ‘oh’ even mean?  
Kurt spoke, ‘’well, I for one don’t hate you. I can’t speak for the rest of this small-minded world, but always remember, wherever you are Blaine Anderson, I will be somewhere not hating you. And I bet there’s a lot of other people in your future who won’t hate you either. I know, things are hard right now, but I promise you they’ll be better. Even if it’s the last thing I promise you. Not only because I like you but also because there are people who feel the hate too. And Blaine, you are a good person, and I appreciate that, even if those dumbasses at school doesn’t.’’  
Blaine looked at him, stunned, then he cleared his throat, ‘’how do you know all that?’’  
Kurt smiled softly ‘’my father, he raised me to be a good human being, so I am doing my best.’’  
‘’no one’s ever been so nice to me.’’ Blaine whispered.  
Kurt blinked, ‘’what about your parents?’’  
Blaine both didn’t want to talk about them, but he wanted Kurt to know, ‘’he doesn’t like me much, my father. He’s always disappointed in me. I know he’s stressed a lot but sometimes I’d wish he would at least care a little about me. My mother’s nice enough, but I know she prefers my brother over me.’’  
Kurt looked genuinely sad as he started walking again, ‘’I’m sorry.’’  
They went silent again for a moment.  
‘’I wish every parent were more like my dad.’’ Kurt then said.  
‘’would you tell me about him?’’ Blaine asked, feeling the curiosity return.  
‘’Well, when I was little he would do all kind of things with me, take me to the playground, teach me how to ride a bike, make tea parties with me, and when I got older he thought me other things like how to treat people and how not to, how the world is outside our home. I always thought he was the wisest man on the planet, I know now he isn’t because if he were he wouldn’t be a mechanic, but he is very smart and he always gives the best advice. I do love him very much.’’  
‘’He sounds wonderful’’ Blaine breathed when Kurt stopped, and he too wished all parents were like Kurt’s dad.  
They parted at Kurt’s house with a promise of meeting there the following morning. Blaine went inside to do his homework. It made him feel weird knowing that Kurt was only a few feet away all the time and he could just go over there and talk to him. He knew though that he couldn’t do that, it would be too much, but he wanted to, it seemed like it was all he wanted all the time.  
***  
‘’You’re not really talking to him are you?’’ Rachel whispered angrily in the McKinley hallway the following morning, ‘’I heard that he transferred here without anyone knowing why, he could have killed someone for all we know.’’  
Blaine resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the tiny brunette ‘’Rachel, he hasn’t killed anyone, he’s nice actually.’’  
Rachel sighed, ‘’you just say that because he’s obviously gay.’’  
Blaine stopped walking and turned to looked at her ‘’What? Why would I only like him because of that?’’  
‘’Blaine, I get it, you’re lonely. You don’t have a boyfriend or a big talent like me to keep you happy, but you don’t have to do something reckless.’’  
‘’Like talking to new people?’’ Blaine asked with raised eyebrows.  
Rachel nodded enthusiastically ‘’yes, that’s exactly what I mean.’’  
‘’Rachel you’re acting crazy, he’s my neighbor of course I have to be nice to him, and that involves talking to him, and I like that, I think we could become friends.’’  
Rachel sighed dramatically ‘’all right, just promise you won’t become serial killers together, and be careful, I don’t want him breaking your heart.’’  
‘’god, Rachel, We aren’t even…’’ But the girl was already gone down the hallway, and Blaine was in a sudden hurry to avoid being slushied when he realized he was an easy target standing there by himself.  
***  
Math class went by slowly, and lunch came around. Blaine noticed Kurt sitting alone by a table in the far corner, and moved to go sit with him, when a hand grabbed his arm.  
‘’Don’t you dare Anderson,’’ Rachel shrieked, ‘’we always sit together, it’s our secret way of surviving this place, remember, no one ever hits a girl!’’  
Blaine shot a look at Kurt, ‘’come on Rachel, he’s sitting by himself, remember what that’s like? Be nice.’’  
Rachel sighed dramatically and kept herself behind Blaine as they moved towards the corner; Kurt’s eyes lit up as he noticed Blaine and removed his feet from the chair beside him.   
‘’Hello Blaine.’’  
‘’Hi, um, meet Rachel.’’ Blaine made a awkward gesture toward his friend who eyed Kurt suspiciously. Eventually she did extend her hand to shake Kurt’s.   
‘’I’m Rachel Berry, leader of the glee club, and you are?’’  
Blaine actually did roll his eyes this time, Rachel knew exactly who Kurt were, everyone knew when new students arrived.  
‘’Kurt Hummel, I’m not leader of anything, but I do sing.’’  
At that Rachel’s eyes widened just a little, and she sat down beside Kurt, ‘’you simply have to audition for glee then, it’s lovely.’’  
They slipped into an easy conversation about what music Kurt liked to sing, and which songs he and Rachel should sing together. Rachel actually squealed when Kurt admitted he loved Wicked and was dying to sing defying gravity. Blaine guessed she had dropped her suspicion of Kurt being a murderer, and actually liked him. That was the great thing about Rachel; she never hated anyone for long. Blaine thought that was why her relationship with Finn worked out so well.  
Blaine wished he could talk more freely about what music he’d like to sing, but with Rachel there he just nodded along and smiled apologizing as if to say he didn’t know which performance they were referring to.  
‘’Oh, that would be so much fun! Blaine here doesn’t sing at all, but the two of us could do some killer duets.’’  
Kurt gave Blaine a knowing smile, ‘’that’s a shame really.’’  
Blaine felt himself blush as he looked down, ‘’yeah,’’ he said quietly.  
***  
That evening Blaine couldn’t sleep, he felt like everything was changing for him. Could one person do that? He wanted to ask his parents but he’d never talked to them about boys, and he simply had no idea how they would react. He was pretty sure though, that his father would become silent or even excuse himself if he brought up the topic, and his mother probably wouldn’t know what to say, or try to set him up with a nice girl so he kept it to himself.  
Blaine started collecting things in his mind, the things he knew and things he didn’t know. He knew Kurt was wonderful and really nice to him, and he was pretty and smart and everything Blaine had always wished for, but he didn’t know how Kurt saw him, or if he was even gay as Rachel had claimed. Blaine didn’t think he had a boyfriend though, if he had he’d never mentioned him, and that would be weird. Blaine suddenly realized what he was doing, he was spinning his mind around the idea of Kurt being his boyfriend, and that seemed pretty scary and far too soon to be thinking like that.  
He got out of bed and pushed his curtain to the side, he didn’t know why it made him feel so weird knowing Kurt was asleep so close to him, but it did, and he kind of wanted to go over there just to see if he was there. Then Blaine noticed a shadow moving by outside, it was definitely a person he concluded as his heartbeat steadily grew faster.   
He did his best not to panic, it was too early to lose his new friend when they’d only just started something that Blaine felt could grow so much bigger. Then Blaine recognized the hair, then the gait.   
The shadow was Kurt, and it was currently crawling inside the window to what Blaine could only resume was his room. What was Kurt doing out in the middle of the night? Being a criminal? Smoking behind the gas station with the Skank’s? Sneaking out to meet his secret lover? Blaine didn’t feel like any of the above fit Kurt in any way, but then again, he clearly didn’t know him well.   
Blaine got back into bed, and turned to face against the wall. Kurt was great, but Blaine couldn’t help feeling like he was keeping something from him, something important, and Blaine had the tendency to spill out all his deepest secrets to him, even if he felt like he shouldn’t. He thought that maybe it wasn’t safe, that Kurt might hurt him in the end. Right now Kurt was a mystery, Blaine’s mystery, and it was intriguing, so Blaine wanted to go with it as long as he could. Even if it all would fall to pieces later.  
***  
Blaine met Kurt in front of the Hummel’s house the following morning. He shot a quick glance towards the window. It looked normal, like no one had climbed neither in nor out of it the night before, and Blaine had a weird feeling that he wouldn’t get an answer about it unless he asked.  
‘’Did you sleep well?’’ Blaine asked in what he hoped sounded like a casual tone.  
‘’Like a rock,’’ Kurt replied, looking sincere enough. Blaine wished he wouldn’t lie to him like this, feeling kind of let down that Kurt didn’t trust him enough to tell him the truth. Hadn’t he been the perfect friend to him up till now? Answered all of his questions?  
‘’Okay, yeah, me too.’’  
Kurt send him a smile, not one of those I-know-you-just-lied-to-me smile, but a real one, that Blaine didn’t really understand because he hadn’t said anything funny or complimented him or anything, but he smiled back at him because how could he not?  
Blaine knew it’s way too early, he knew it’s unrealistic and impossible and way out of reach, but he had a feeling, a hope inside, that maybe this wasn’t just some temporary thing, maybe this was something deeper, and as Kurt smiled at him, he swore he saw something like hope in his eyes too, something perfect and long lasting, Blaine thought he saw his own future in all the blue, and he smiled even wider himself.  
***  
‘’What are you thinking?’’ Kurt asked during lunch, as he slowly chewed his sandwich, eyeing Blaine curiously.  
‘’Nothing,’’  
Kurt swallowed and furrowed his brow ‘’no one’s ever thinking ‘nothing’ unless you are actually thinking the word ‘nothing’ which I doubt you did, or it’s something you don’t want me to know, which is alright by the way.’’  
Blaine smiled at Kurt’s act of playing hurt, and he did want to tell Kurt what he was thinking, but he really couldn’t.  
‘’I was thinking,’’ Blaine then lied, ‘’if you wanted to do something after school, the weather’s nice so we could stay in my lawn and do homework or whatever.’’ It was really just an excuse to see Kurt more, to get to know him better.  
‘’yeah, I’d love that.’’ Kurt said, as he took a sip of his water. It didn’t seem like something he had to think about, which was both good and bad. Good, because it meant they were comfortable with each other. Bad, because Kurt didn’t put anything more into it then. Blaine needed to stop thinking like that or he would drive himself crazy.  
***  
They didn’t end up doing homework, Kurt seemed to have a lot of questions instead. They were never-ending, and Blaine enjoyed each end every one of them. Right from favorite band, to questions about his parents and brother cooper. Kurt then asked him about his first kiss, and Blaine blushed and looked down. ‘’Well…’’ he swallowed hard, he was never embarrassed about haven’t been kissed before, not before he met Kurt, it hadn’t really mattered. Sure he had wanted to kiss someone someday, someone important, now, with the person he wanted to kiss so badly right there before him, asking him if he’d ever kissed anyone, it seemed too much. ‘’I- I haven’t really…’’  
‘’Oh, never mind then.’’ Kurt said, looking a little sorry for asking, and Blaine kept his head down until the next question saved him.  
***  
That night Blaine felt exhausted from all the talking he’d done in one day, but forced himself to stay awake, he needed to know if Kurt would sneak out again tonight.  
***  
One week and a half went by in a blur. Blaine saw Kurt every day, they walked together to school, they ate lunch together, and they spend time together after that. Blaine almost felt bad for abandoning Rachel sometimes, but as she said, it was just more time to work on her battle of becoming class president, getting solos in Glee club and her NYADA audition.  
Blaine kept a little note over his bed; Kurt had snuck out every night since Blaine had started staying up to check. He was exhausted from staying up so late, and he knew he should just ask about it, but feared Kurt’s reaction more than anything.  
He had a plan though, sort of.  
He had decided to do it tonight, so when he got home from school and had promised Kurt to see him tomorrow morning.  
He went inside to sleep, he really needed the extra nap, even if his mother looked at him suspiciously that evening when Blaine told her he had slept since he came home.   
‘’Are you all right honey? You have been looking so tired lately, and pale too.’’  
‘’I’m fine, school’s just rough.’’  
Blaine’s father eyed him in a way so Blaine knew the question was coming. ‘’Are you doing okay in school?’’  
Blaine resisted a sigh, ‘’yes dad, straight A’s.’’   
His father just nodded and returned his attention to his steak and salad.  
Blaine silently wished his father would care about something else than his grades, that he would teach him things like Kurt’s dad, or talk to him about little unimportant things, even if it seemed too late.  
***  
That night Blaine waited till his parent’s were asleep, and checked the clock, it was only eleven, but Blaine moved silently out the front door anyway, he didn’t want to miss it, he read in a book in the porch light, and waited patiently.   
An hour later he heard the sound of footsteps moving over the lawn beside him, he duck under the fence and waited till Kurt had begun walking down the street, Blaine followed silently.  
Kurt turned onto new streets four times, till he reached the local cemetery, then he stopped and went inside the little gate, and Blaine waited a couple of seconds before following. The walls around the cemetery were tall and dark, and Blaine couldn’t see Kurt anywhere, he spun around when something hit him in the face.  
‘’Ow!’’ he yelled, and his hands flew to his cheek where the fist had hit him.  
‘’…Blaine?’’  
Blaine froze. It was Kurt. Kurt had just noticed him being there and hit him in the face.  
‘’Have you been following me the entire way?’’  
Blaine rubbed his face, ‘’kind of.’’  
‘’Why?’’  
For once Blaine whished Kurt wouldn’t ask, but he decided the truth would be the easiest. ‘’I saw you sneak out two weeks ago, and I- I kind of saw you sneak out every night since then, and I got so curious, but I couldn’t ask.’’  
‘’Why? Why couldn’t you ask?’’ Kurt demanded to know.  
Kurt was mad at him and Blaine felt like crying, ‘’because I knew you wouldn’t tell me the truth.’’  
Something in Kurt’s eyes softened in the dim light from the street lamps, like Blaine had said something that had touched him. He started to walk ‘’come then,’’ he sighed.  
Blaine followed him willingly.  
‘’I haven’t been completely honest with you Blaine, but I haven’t exactly lied either, I have just been keeping some things to myself. I have lived in Lima before, and I didn’t feel like telling you, because I didn’t remember if we’d met, I didn’t want you to remember. I didn’t want to remember.’’  
Kurt stopped walking and looked down; Blaine followed his gaze and tried to hold back his gasp. Elizabeth Hummel the stone said, Blaine had thought about Kurt never mentioning a mother in his tales of the Hummel’s, only his father Burt, but he’d never asked, now he hated himself for it.  
‘’your mother?’’ Blaine asked stunned, and Kurt nodded.  
‘’Kurt, I’m so…’’  
‘’Please don’t say you’re sorry, everyone does that. I don’t want you to be like everyone.’’  
After a while Blaine cleared his throat, ‘’you go here every night?’’  
‘’Yes.’’  
Blaine might not understand, but he wanted to, he wanted to ask why and how she died, for how long she’d been gone, the questions whirling in his head, but he kept them inside, now wasn’t the moment. Instead he said, ‘’I’m sorry I followed you Kurt.’’  
A pause.  
‘’It’s okay, I’m not mad at you, but you should have asked.’’  
‘’I should.’’  
The walk back was quiet, only the sound of some distant cars was heard, and Blaine wondered what people was doing up now, and if Kurt was thinking the same thing or if he’s still thinking of his mother.  
Blaine was also thinking that he wanted to hug Kurt, not because he liked him, or because he was inhumanly pretty, but because he felt bad for him. He didn’t though, because he knew Kurt didn’t want anyone feeling bad for him, he wanted to appear strong and independent, and he did, but Blaine wondered if he was lonely sometimes, and he never wanted Kurt to be lonely. Mostly because he’s been there himself, before he met Rachel.  
Kurt bid him a small goodbye in his front lawn, and that was it. Blaine was afraid he might have ruined everything, that Kurt might not want to speak to him the next day, he had gotten what he had hoped for, but he’d also hurt his friend, and in the end, it hadn’t been worth it.  
***  
Days went by where Kurt seemed to act like he didn’t remember the night. The morning after he’d greeted Blaine the same way he did every morning, and Blaine, confused as he was, almost forgot to say hi back. He wanted to ask. He wanted to ask so badly but it was kind of his fault Kurt had gotten upset last time, and he didn’t want to make him sad again. So Blaine decided to be patient, let Kurt come to him if he wanted, and if he never wanted to talk about it again, that was okay too. Blaine wasn’t going to push, he’d promised himself he wouldn’t jeopardize this.  
They spent more time together, they met up with Rachel at Breadstix, they went to the mall to shop for clothes, they stayed home in Blaine’s front lawn to read, and Blaine even met Burt Hummel who was both really nice and a bit scary. Everything was okay between them, so Blaine didn’t ask Kurt about his mother. He didn’t feel like it was appropriate, and honestly, he was afraid Kurt would push him away.  
The following weeks, Blaine just went to bed instead of waiting up, he worried about Kurt, but he also felt some of his energy return.  
But one night a sound woke him up. Half asleep, Blaine stumbled to his window and almost got hit by a piece of gravel as he opened it. It was so dark, but the voice was easily recognizable.  
‘’You coming down Juliet?’’  
‘Kurt?’’  
‘’Yeah, come on, I want to show you something.’’  
‘’I-‘’  
Kurt sighed dramatically ‘’I know, I know, it’s late, and you think I’m still mad at you for last time you followed me, and you have been debating whether to bring it up or not, but listen, I’m not mad I just needed time to think about it, so are you coming.’’  
Blaine gaped at him for a second before answering, ‘’okay.’’  
He went down as quietly as he could, the whole way begging his parents wouldn’t wake up, it all would be a little hard to explain to them.  
***  
Easy.  
That was Blaine’s thoughts right now. It was so easy to be with Kurt, to forget that they weren’t more than friends because his thoughts were pure love, it was easy to forget his mother was dead and it was hurting him even if he clearly couldn’t admit it, it was easy for Blaine to forget his parents when he looked into those eyes and saw that smile.  
Kurt was walking beside him, not smiling, not looking sad either, just looking like Kurt, a face Blaine had gotten so familiar with for staring at it too much. And his body moved under his clothes as he walked, muscles tightening in his arms as he lifted himself over a fence, Blaine knew he should stop staring like that, he was a teenager and all, but he felt like he was invading Kurt’s privacy, like it was somehow forbidden to have those thoughts about him. Blaine didn’t know if Kurt wanted it, hell, he didn’t even know which gender Kurt preferred.  
He was pretty sure though, that Kurt was just his friend, no matter how much he wanted it to be otherwise, no matter how many scenarios he made up in his head of them confessing their love in long, sappy-romantic conversations and sweet kisses.  
Then the question hits again, ‘’what are you thinking?’’  
Blaine almost stopped walking, ‘’I, um, I was thinking about you.’’  
‘’Me?’’  
‘’Yeah.’’  
Blaine felt his heart speed up, please don’t ask, please.  
‘’Okay.’’  
Blaine could cry with relief, Kurt must have caught up on Blaine’s nerves and let it go, he probably already knew how Blaine felt from all of Blaine’s creepy staring, and staying up looking after him. If Kurt didn’t know he would have asked, Blaine concluded, and felt embarrassed.  
Blaine wanted to tell him everything he felt, he wanted it out, but he couldn’t, not yet. He needed time to construct the right sentences, find the perfect words. Was this so hard for everyone? Falling in love? It looked so easy in the books.  
‘’We’re here now.’’ Kurt whispered as they entered… the school football field.  
‘’what are we doing here?’’ Blaine asked as he looked around for other people who might be there, he didn’t find any.   
Kurt spun around, the smile back on, and pointed towards the sky ‘’look up Blaine Anderson.’’  
Blaine couldn’t help but laugh out loud; the sky was covered with millions of stars, not a cloud in sight. It was almost too cliché, and for some reason it gave Blaine hope that one day Kurt might feel a fraction of what he felt in that moment. It was weird that stars could make you feel that way.  
Kurt threw himself on the ground, reaching out for Blaine to do the same. The grass were slightly damp, but it didn’t matter, the stars did though, so did Kurt. The many suns glistened in the night sky and it was then, in their silent stargazing, the final question was asked.  
‘’Blaine?’’  
‘’Yeah?’’  
‘’I need to ask you something.’’  
Blaine looked over at him, ‘’anything,’’ he whispered.  
A pause, Blaine held his breath.  
‘’If I asked you, would you run away with me?’’

 

PART 2: The world and us:

The world was huge, Blaine knew. Big enough to escape into and become lost in. That though, in that moment, didn’t scare him. He welcomed it in fact. How could he not give in to the question with an easy ‘yes.’ He was so far gone into the dangerous chains of love that he could never dream of denying a simple suggestion, a cry for something more. If someone had told Blaine Anderson he would be running away from home at age seventeen, he wouldn’t have believed you, because it wasn’t what good boys did. It wasn’t what people from his neighborhood did. It wasn’t what his father expected of him, and maybe that was part of why he did it.  
Blaine had never had a wish of being different than he were, not until he met Kurt. Then he’d suddenly wished he was all Kurt dreamed of, if only he knew what that was apart from New York. So escaping to the city of Kurt’s dreams, being a part of that, helping him, seemed like a step in the right direction of hopefully becoming what Kurt needed in the end.  
Kurt aimed big. He reached for something greater than a simple place on the planet. He couldn’t be content with being unknown and small. He needed to grow, he needed the world to see him for who he were, and love him for it. It was who Kurt was. Maybe it was a flaw but the mere thought of him made Blaine almost tear up because the image was blinding and breathtaking.  
It all seemed like a memory of that moment, like something that had already happened though it hadn’t, because it seemed so right and touchable. Of course Kurt and Blaine should run, they should run till they reached the end of the world and they should never look back and never regret. They should live and love till there were nothing left. Talk till words slipped up and weren’t important anymore, and they could simply be with each other. Till everything became exactly right.  
It was with those thoughts, Blaine quietly packed his things and robbed his fathers’ safety box. He almost didn’t feel bad about it. He knew his father would never approve of, and much less finance, this spontaneous trip, but he felt like he owed it to Blaine, after the many years of not caring weather Blaine went left or right as long as he became a person he could be proud of calling his son.   
Blaine was pretty sure that he lost that chance the moment he came out to his father. Blaine had accepted that, but a little payback wouldn’t hurt him.  
Blaine thought about his mother, she would be sad. He felt sorry for hurting her, but he couldn’t afford to spare anybody’s feelings in this. He had to be selfish because he couldn’t bear the thought of Kurt going without him. Kurt alone in the world, maybe Kurt being out there with someone else.  
He would never return. This wasn’t just a vacation, it wasn’t temporary, he was sure that was what Kurt had meant. He had seen it in his eyes, the determination, the longing. It was like he’d seen a little bit of their future pass before him, like Kurt had promised without words that things would be different than they were now, that everything would be reborn into something great that were theirs. Something no one could touch.  
A world with no bullies and no disappointed fathers.  
Blaine looked around in his room; he decided to leave everything behind. He couldn’t bring anything that reminded him of his old life because it would only remind him of his mother, and maybe Rachel.  
Rachel. She’d choke if he told her about their plans, she’d yell at him, call him crazy and suicidal. She simply wouldn’t understand.  
He was going to miss her though, miss all her craziness. But she had a life here, a talent to keep her occupied, and Finn. He couldn’t bring her or tell her, it was too big a risk.   
He could tell no one, Kurt had said so himself. That people would only try to stop them. So Blaine wouldn’t tell because then it would be his fault, he would stop Kurt, and he couldn’t bear the thought of that.  
It was one o’clock in the night when Blaine, as quietly as possible, moved down the stairs with his suitcase.  
Kurt was outside, he was leaning up against one of the lampposts, waiting for him. Blaine was carrying a great feeling inside, the beginning, he called it. It was like when you were a kid and you were looking forwards to something big.   
‘’Hi,’’ he breathed out.   
He needed to turn around.  
‘’Hello Blaine.’’  
He was expected to go back.  
He couldn’t, he wouldn’t.  
‘’let’s go.’’ He grinned instead.  
***  
They called a taxi further into the city, when they were a safe distance from their houses; they drove in almost silence to the airport.  
There were something like hope on Kurt’s face, and the same determination in his eyes from earlier. He was clenching his own hands, so Blaine out his own over them, locking his eyes with Kurt’s. Kurt smiled, seemed to relax a little, whatever were bothering him didn’t seem like something he wanted to talk about. But Blaine knew, because he felt it too. Of course, he wasn’t about to live his lives biggest dream like Kurt, but he could understand how Kurt felt, the fear that everything might not be like he’d imagined.  
It would be, and Blaine told him that.  
‘’I know, I’m being silly, it’s just… I don’t know what I’d do if it’s not like I want it to be, and I know it can’t be. My dreams and prayers never come true Blaine, it’s always just that, hopeless wishes.’’ He paused for a moment, ‘’but I do think this might be the greatest thing I ever do, and if it’s not. I’m still glad I get to share it with someone special.’’  
It was putting a pressure on Blaine’s shoulders, but Blaine welcomed it. He would make all Kurt’s dreams come true even if it was the last thing he ever did.  
‘’What have you prayed for before?’’ Blaine asked.  
‘’many things I can’t talk about.’’  
Blaine he swallowed his curiosity because pushing wouldn’t help anything, so they fell silent once again.  
***  
They were on the plane a few hours later; Blaine had seen Kurt staring up at the board announcing the flight to New York City, and he swore he’d seen tears in his eyes.  
Blaine wanted to ask so badly, but didn’t.  
They sat side by side in the plane and Blaine’s heart was pounding at the take-off. It felt like freedom, flying away with Kurt, knowing his parents were back home, asleep. At that moment, he felt like nothing could touch him, Kurt had a broad smile on his face beside him, and Blaine mirrored the expression, feeling more in love than ever.  
***  
New York was chaotic and wonderful. There were people everywhere, people running, people talking in cell phones, people with lives and family’s and lovers. Little fractures of the city spread all over the dark concrete. Flashing commercials all over the place, taxis, people, cars, people.  
Everywhere they looked, they could disappear in hordes of humans and colors.  
Kurt was in awe, he smiled at everyone, trying to take in, and remember everything. Blaine was amazed too, the sight of Kurt being so happy made his heart ache in the best way.  
New York was big and powerful. It was everything. They walked around all day, and when the night fell, they walked around some more. The city that never sleeps, Kurt had said. You never had to stop and think about your problems, never had to be concerned about a thing, because life always went on the next day. You could truly disappear and be gone.  
Blaine carefully started to wonder if that was why Kurt had longed to be here. Kurt with the many secrets, Kurt the mystery, maybe he was broken inside. Blaine didn’t know because Kurt never told him, and Blaine wanted to know, he wanted Kurt to tell him if it was painful, wanted to tell him where it hurt. He wanted Kurt to tell him all the things he couldn’t tell anyone, because Blaine wasn’t anyone, he was Kurt’s best friend. They should tell each other about the little things as well as the big ones.  
They walked the next day too until they couldn’t stand anymore and checked into a hotel. That was when Kurt broke down, maybe it was because he was tired, or maybe it was the overwhelming feeling of being home that he must have felt. Blaine was there for him, at first Kurt didn’t speak, he just stared into the small mirror for a long minute before he started sobbing. Blaine had thought them to be happy tears, but when they grew stronger; Blaine leapt off the bed and moved to hold him. Kurt cried in his arms for a long time, till he had to speak to keep himself from crying anymore.  
‘’I have to tell you something,’’ he said, small and broken, not at all like the strong confident voice that Blaine had heard so many times.  
‘’Anything, you can tell me anything.’’  
Kurt sighed, shaking ‘it’s my fault my mother died.’’  
***  
Blaine was silent, the room was silent, only the sound of the cars outside was heard. Then Kurt spoke again, ‘’she’s dead because of me. This guy, Dave Karofsky, we went to middle school together, he was the biggest bully of them all, and I was his main target.’’  
Blaine understood now why Kurt had said things would get better, and why he had believed him. It had been Kurt’s plan all along to save Blaine. He wanted to rescue Blaine from his bullies because he’d been there himself, because he understood. The thought was overwhelming and Blaine couldn’t even be sure it was true.  
Kurt continued; ‘’Karofsky brought a gun to school one day, ‘’ the tears had stopped and Kurt looked straight ahead, looking pale and scared. ‘’He’d sworn he’d kill me, and he tried to, but my mother stepped in front of me and...’’  
Blaine knew he should speak, he knew it didn’t make sense for him not to. But his throat had made a knot on itself.   
He tried anyway.  
‘’Kurt I-‘’ he cleared his throat, ‘’Kurt someone amazing once told me that the world was small-minded and full of dumbass bullies.’’ Blaine drew in air, ’’That’s all they are Kurt, dumbass bullies. They don’t deserve you thinking you harmed your own family. I wish you wouldn’t think like that.’’  
‘’How can I not?’’ Kurt whispered, ‘’she got killed saving me, if I hadn’t been who I am, she would have lived.’’  
Kurt looked up at him with big, blue, watery eyes, and Blaine thought he’d never in he’s life seen something so sad.  
‘’would she have wanted you to change who you were?’’ Blaine asked, ‘’I don’t think so. Your mother loved you for who you were, and she died knowing you and she had fought for that. She didn’t die because of you, she died because of the people who can’t see, who can’t tell, what is really important. That tormentor of yours couldn’t see how great you were because of his own prejudices and hate. He deserves all your loathing, not you.’’  
Blaine didn’t know where all of that had come from. He didn’t know this person who was sitting on a hotel bed in New York, soothing Kurt. But he knew everything he’d said was right.  
Kurt smiled, only a small one ‘’where do you know all that from.’’  
‘’I’ve learned that from you.’’ Blaine answered and raised his hand to capture one of Kurt’s tears from falling. He felt calm though his heart was pounding, wild. He was sad and happy at the same time, because Kurt had opened up to him and told him what must have been his biggest secret and worry. Blaine was grateful for that, but he was also scared that Kurt didn’t believe him.  
‘’You’re amazing Blaine,’’ Kurt then said almost too low to be heard.  
They were soft, Kurt’s lips, soft and careful as they kissed Blaine. Blaine who was caught by surprise and who hadn’t expected it in the least. He almost forgot to kiss him back.  
Kurt sighed a little, blowing hot air into his mouth. They fit together perfectly like that, Kurt moving to lie on top of Blaine as they kissed slowly. It was how it was supposed to be, Kurt taking control of his body and his heart, making him feel like he could do anything, making him feel like he mattered. Kurt thought he was worth something, worth kissing, and that must have been the single greatest feeling in the universe.  
Kurt moved away first to look into Blaine’s eyes, he looked a little flustered. Another tear fell from his eyes and landed on Blaine’s face, ‘’I’m sorry.’’  
‘’Don’t’ be sorry. Don’t ever be sorry for doing something like that. I love you so much.’’   
He wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t because he couldn’t hold it in, but wasn’t that what it was supposed to be like? Saying those three words when they wouldn’t be kept locked in anymore, when they demanded to be said. He could feel Kurt smile into the second kiss, he was still crying, but Blaine thought, hoped, it might be for a different reason.  
He thought he’d never felt quite like this, this happy, this caring or this proud, both of himself and of Kurt. They’d done it, they’d run away, they’d discovered each other. Kurt had given Blaine something to dream about, and if Kurt had asked him that one question again, ‘’what are your dreams Blaine?’’ Blaine would simply answer, ‘’you, Kurt, you are my dream.’’  
***  
They slept closely that night. Not because they were scared or cold, but because the need for being close was there, huge and alive. Their legs were tangled together under the sheets, and they shared the same breath as their faces lay only inches apart. Blaine didn’t feel like ever letting go, he could lie there, in the hotel room, for eternity, doing nothing but observe Kurt breathing, sleeping, living.  
It felt like a song. A long, complicated one about love that Blaine was hearing for the first time.  
Blaine tried to visualize the scene between Kurt, his mother and Karofsky. The gun, the shot, how scared Kurt must have looked. It pained Blaine to know what Kurt had to remember, what he had to see when he closed his eyes. Blaine wished he could step in and remove those memories, replace them all with happy images of the two of them, make him forget.  
The sun was creeping into the small room, hitting Kurt’s face. He was blinking his eyes open, and Blaine smiled down at him, ‘’morning.’’  
‘’Do you believe in God, Blaine?’’  
It was a weird way of saying good morning, a weird way of starting a day. Blaine didn’t even think about it when he answered.  
‘’No.’’  
‘’I don’t either,’’ Kurt whispered, ‘’I believe in me, and I believe in you. But I don’t believe in god, I’ve never seen any god, not in anyone.’’  
‘’God is just a word, I think.’’ Blaine answered.  
‘’Yeah,’’ Kurt said, ‘’just a word, a word that can make the world tremble though.’’  
***  
They went to central park , Kurt has gotten that look again, the dreaming one. Blaine almost ddn’t dare ask.  
‘’Kurt?’’  
He didn’t have to.  
‘’I want to go further.’’ Kurt exclaimed.  
‘’Further?’’  
‘’Away.’’  
Blaine swallowed, he felt like they were already far from home, in a new world. But of course, of course it wasn’t enough for Kurt. He almost felt angry that Kurt couldn’t bear just being together, that he needed more than that  
But then Blaine remembered that Kurt was running, he needed to get away from his past, to get somewhere new. Even New York was, for Kurt, full of memories, even if he’d never been there. He might have looked at photos with his mother, seen movies in TV. He needed something new.  
So Blaine decided to say; ‘’how about Europe?’’  
Kurt kissed him, ‘’your thoughts are perfect.’’  
‘’They are? Should we go?’’  
Kurt gave him a saucy smile ‘’We can go anywhere Blaine Anderson.’’  
Blaine believed him, because how could he not?  
***  
They packed up quickly, and bid New York goodbye. Something about the city seemed to have settled in Kurt, like it had either shrunk or he’d grown. Blaine was pretty sure it was the latter.  
They were going for Paris, Blaine’s idea. Secretly he just wanted to go there because it was romantic. He knew that it, for Kurt, was more than that, and he felt like he was being selfish.  
That night when Kurt had been asleep, and Blaine had been tossing and turning and listening, Kurt had sighed Blaine’s name. He’d been half awake, and so beautiful, and Blaine felt like it mattered, like somehow it was a way of saying he needed Blaine, a plea of never letting go.  
Blaine had whispered back in the dark, ‘’I won’t, whatever you think, I won’t leave you.’’  
Blaine knew he would always keep that promise.  
***  
They were flying high over the water, the blue all around him, in Kurt’s eyes, in the sky and in the ocean. It was then, in all the blue, Kurt said; ‘’Yellow.’’  
‘’What?’  
‘’Your name, it means yellow.’’  
‘’How do you know that?’’ Blaine smiled.  
‘’I looked it up.’’  
‘’And what does that mean? Yellow?’’  
Kurt cracked a smile, ‘’It means you’re my sunflower darling.’’  
Blaine chuckled at the nickname but only to keep from swooning. They were growing closer every day, or at least that was what it felt like.  
‘’It’s not as cool as ‘brave,’’’ Blaine tried to look sad.  
Kurt giggled., ‘’It’s really not.’’   
‘’You’re beautiful,’’ Blaine blurted out, because now he could say it. It was like the kiss had changed everything, like he now had the courage to say what he really felt. ‘’and you’re perfect.’’  
‘’And you are way too good to me,’’ Kurt smiled.  
Blaine grinned, ‘’maybe.’’  
Blaine felt somehow better about their relationship, like a mountain had been removed from his shoulders and he could concentrate.   
He would have asked what Kurt was thinking, but didn’t. He was aware that Kurt hadn’t said it back in the hotel room, the ‘I love you’ that had slipped from Blaine’s lips. But it was okay, if Kurt wasn’t ready to say it yet, that was none of Blaine’s business. He needed to stop pushing so badly.   
Kurt needed time, he was like a tree that needed time to grow before you plucked the apples, he needed more than Blaine only, he had a dream that went beyond them, and Blaine just had to accept that.  
He had many times wondered if Kurt needed him the way he needed Kurt, if he was merely a travelling companion, or a friend to go through this with, a shoulder to cry on perhaps. He didn’t dare ask because the answer might not be what he wished for, maybe Kurt would laugh it off and don’t give him an answer, maybe he’d look sad even, apologize and say ‘’I don’t love you,’’ Blaine couldn’t risk it, he’d rather be happily ignorant than heartbroken.  
Kurt was beside him now, and that was what mattered. Beautiful, brave Kurt, who knew nothing about what Blaine thought, and knew nothing about his own future apart from it being hopefully bright.   
***  
They landed in Paris, and they were on the walk again before they knew it. Blaine followed Kurt street up and street down, without knowing what Kurt was searching for. Kurt said he wasn’t looking for anything, but Blaine knew that look in his eye by now. He was searching for that one thing that would make everything bearable.  
Blaine doubted he would ever find it.  
That was the first time Blaine wondered if Kurt could ever be able to love him back.  
This time on the hotel, it was Blaine who broke down. Kurt turn to hold him. But when Blaine had to speak, he couldn’t.  
So Kurt kissed him instead, kissed everything better, and made Blaine forget. He needed to forget all that was bad, because this adventure was about being happy and free.  
Kurt removed Blaine’s shirt slowly, hands ghosting over his chest. Blaine was breathing heavily, and he could barely see Kurt through his tears.  
They rocked together slowly, beautifully. Blaine couldn’t believe what was happening, everything felt far away and not real, but solid at the same time. The steady rhythm of Kurt’s panting, close to his ear, his own hands clasping Kurt’s bare back.  
He thought if he should choose a moment to die, it would be right then. He would go back to that hotel room in Paris and stop his heart from beating any further, stop the world from moving on.  
Kurt never sped up the pace as every piece of fabric between them disappeared. They slowly went, Kurt kissing every piece of his skin like he was trying to memorize every inch of him, slowly. The intimacy of it was almost too much to.  
Yet, it somehow made him feel complete.  
No one they knew were near, they had all the time in the world. They breathed each other in as they moved in lazy patterns, no urgency involved as they tangled together and became one creature of need.  
Everything was new and raw, like he was recreated with each of Kurt’s touches, kisses, and he fell apart in his lovers hands with a cry  
***  
Blaine woke to a sunlit room and a cold bed. Kurt was not beside him, or in the room at all.   
Last night had been Kurt’s way of telling him that things would be okay, if he couldn’t say it with words, he could say it with his body.  
Now Blaine felt the panic set in his bones, where was he? He quickly got up, threw on yesterday’s clothes that were thrown across the floor, feeling like he’d somehow grown since the morning before.  
Kurt wasn’t in sight anywhere, they hadn’t brought their phones, because of the tracking issue, and Blaine wished Kurt would have at least left a note. Blaine knew now that this was what he’d been fearing, Kurt leaving him behind to go on his own adventure, a fairytale without him.  
Then he turned a corner and almost ran into him, feeling the relief wash over him. Kurt was still there.  
‘’I just went for coffee.’’ Kurt sounded surprised.  
Blaine hugged him so tightly that he was sure he’d never disappear again.  
‘’hey, its okay, I’m here.’’ Kurt whispered.  
How had Kurt managed to reduce him to this? Blaine used to think he was okay, maybe his life wasn’t exciting or full of faces, but he’d been okay. Kurt had turned everything around, he’d made things better, of course he had, but he’d also made his life harder to carry.  
***  
Paris lasted three days and then they were off again. Kurt needed more, and what Kurt needed, Blaine felt like he needed too. They saw Rome and they saw Berlin, but none of it ever seemed enough. Every night they would fall into each other until they stopped and they slept instead. Berlin was their last time, and Blaine didn’t understand, but didn’t ask either.  
They still went to see things, but Kurt didn’t enjoy it. He went in a frantic speed. Always searching and always hiding.  
Copenhagen, then Stockholm, their money were slipping up. Blaine felt like the end of everything was near, Kurt didn’t love him , he was sure of it. And when the police in Stockholm caught them, it felt almost like a relief.

 

Part 3 Answers:

On the flight home Kurt cried. He was devastated, and he no longer looked like Kurt. The determined, happy, lovely Kurt was gone, and left behind were a shadow of the boy who Blaine loved more than anything. The thing Kurt had been looking for, he never found, Blaine never knew what it was that Kurt had lost and needed back so badly.  
Back home in the airport of Ohio, there were more tears waiting. Blaine’s mother was crying hard, his father wasn’t, but his face looked relieved somehow. Nothing looked the same as when they had left. Nothing was bright and promising, there were colors, sure, but they had toned down to a undecided mess.  
Kurt’s father was there, he was crying too, hugging Kurt. Kurt didn’t seem to register him; he locked eyes with Blaine instead. There was a plea in them still, a plea to take him back out there, a restless prayer and an apology. An ‘’I’m so sorry Blaine, I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promises of a future together.’’ Blaine was probably just imagining things.   
Blaine cried too, not because he was home, but because he wasn’t whole. Kurt had ripped a hole in him that he knew wouldn’t heal.  
***  
If Blaine had known, he would never have gone away.  
Burt Hummel had shown him Kurt’s papers. They were endless bills, money spent on psychiatrists since the death of Elizabeth, but Kurt never became the same boy again, Burt said. He’d lost something the day his mother had left him, and he’d never found a way to find peace with it.  
Kurt wasn’t there now.  
Blaine had a sinking feeling that it was the end to it all, that he wouldn’t be seeing Kurt again. He regretted all the questions he couldn’t ask, all the things he should have asked, but didn’t, because it felt out of place or none of his business. He should have asked every single one of them maybe then he could have helped Kurt.  
But that was just it, he thought he’d helped him reach his dream. But the thing Kurt was looking for had been himself all the way. No matter how far they travelled, how long they kept going, he would never have been able to find it.   
Blaine looked up the color yellow. It meant intelligence and creativity. Blaine didn’t feel like it really fit, because what he’d done hadn’t been very clever, but he plastered a little note with the fact to his board anyway, like a tiny memory.  
Kurt was in a better place now, a place that was right for him. Blaine felt so bad for him his chest ached. Some night he’d lay awake and think about what Kurt Hummel was doing. Was he happier now? Was he still searching?  
Eventually the house beside them got sold to an old couple, Blaine wasn’t curious when the truck pulled up, he just accepted that it was how it was, people got new neighbors all the time.  
Rachel asked about Kurt, until she stopped, she moved on even if Blaine couldn’t. He’d become another person than before they’d met. Kurt had taught him so much about himself, how to love, how not to. How to see and how to feel. He had been his first love, and he’d broken him and lifted him up. Shown him a little glimpse of the world, and how his own future would look. A promise for him to live differently, a promise for Blaine himself to never forget what they’d had, even if it had been all in his head, because first love only happen once, even if it ends.  
If someone had told seventeen year old Blaine Anderson, that he would get his heart broken that same year, he wouldn’t have believed you. Things like that simply didn’t happen to him. But it did, and sometimes Blaine couldn’t really remember if it had all been a vivid dream.  
Kurt would forever be a memory to him. A happy one and an equally sad one, but a memory none the less that Blaine could look back at on quiet days, and think, ‘once I met a boy who was truly brave, because his mind was a mess, and he dragged me under with him. We travelled the world for a while and he was smiling most of the time, though everything must have hurt. He kept everything inside because I didn’t ask, and now it’s too late to do so. But it doesn’t matter anymore because we’ll never meet again. I just hope he thinks of me as often as I think of him.’


End file.
